JWd
You mentioned some very interesting points. "Playing nice" and being fair is certainly the right thing to do. In your case you were walked all over, that is the same with me, but I shall not sink down to the same low depths the JWs do. My congregational status is fader. Not DF'd, not DA'd. Clearing my stand with the elders might well be a good idea, especially if I clearly state in my letter that I will do everything in my power to undermine the belief of my wife, extensibly also my child, this may cause the elders to coerce my wife into leaving me, which (as I am in Germany) will give me reason to bring criminal charges against the elders.
I shall give this more thought, thanks for expressing your ideas and feelings, I really appreciate that.